This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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