her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
