i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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