It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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