You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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