Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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