Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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