And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
