It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
