I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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