Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
BRING THE BAGELS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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