I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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