Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
