Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His nipple licking is glorious
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