so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm both gender and math confused
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
