Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
