were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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