please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
