well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He shit in the fireplace
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
