I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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