i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
