I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
