My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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