i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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