carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
