We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
