On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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