It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
