i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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