I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
