why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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