Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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