Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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