dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
