You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
