So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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