Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
