This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
