im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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