I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
