I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
