I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize