another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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