none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
