can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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