did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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