I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
