you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
