1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The best revenge is premature balding
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
