Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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