this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
