I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
