No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
