Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
