xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
