he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize