am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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