Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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