Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
