I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
