When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pooping to opera.
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