Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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