do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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