That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
