Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
