We're facebook friends in real life
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
