Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i permit you to call me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
