You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
