i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
