My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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