Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
