last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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