the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
