I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
