I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
