do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
