went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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