I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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