And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
