My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
