uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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