she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
