How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
